You’ve probably experienced this before – having an emotional reaction disproportionate to the comment that spurred it, or a conversation that goes off the rails when emotions escalate out of nowhere. Sure, some conflict is unavoidable and necessary, but constantly lashing out when you’re triggered can be pretty hard on your relationship. When you do the work to better understand your own hot spots and triggers, you’ll begin to reap the following benefits:

You’ll avoid unnecessary conflict.

Understanding your own triggers gives you a chance to temper your emotions with rational thinking so you can respond more appropriately. When you feel your heart rate starting to ramp up or your first instinct is to get defensive, it’s natural to let the emotions take over, which usually leads us down the fight path. When you know your triggers, you’re more able to recognize that you’re having an emotional reaction because you’re particularly sensitive to a certain topic. This insight helps you take on a more objective perspective of the situation and respond with more intention.

You’ll be able to take responsibility when your response is less than ideal.

We’re not robots. Emotions will sway you from time to time, and you’ll inevitably respond in a way you wish you hadn’t. But when you know why you overreacted, you can call yourself on it and try again. You might say, “I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have snapped at you like that. I’m feeling very insecure about that topic lately.” This also helps reroute a conversation down a more positive path – creating an opportunity for connection instead distance.

You’ll foster a cycle of empathy.

When you understand your own triggers, you are better positioned to communicate them to your spouse and help them understand where you’re coming from. Instead of being blindsided or in the dark about your sensitive topics, they can be more empathetic. They have the knowledge that allows them to be more thoughtful and aware of tone, phrasing, or timing when addressing certain topics. When your spouse responds to you in such a supportive and understanding way, you’re much more likely to reciprocate that response.

You’ll grow together.

It takes self-awareness and vulnerability to identify your triggers and share them with your partner, but it’s a really powerful way to grow – both as individuals and as a couple. The areas we’re sensitive about are often tied to some of our biggest vulnerabilities. When you open up to each other and learn to communicate about them in an honest and accepting way, intimacy grows. You’ll learn new ways to support one another and even help each other work through some of those deep-seated fears and insecurities.

Self-awareness is important in all aspects of life. Understanding your strengths and weaknesses can help you optimize your performance at work. Knowing what energizes and drains you allows you to be at your best in your day-to-day life. And understanding your triggers can transform the way you relate to your spouse, avoid unnecessary conflict, and strengthen intimacy and connection.