Hi
everyone,

One of the most important things about marriage is that we learn how to
deal with hurts where no one is really “wrong.” Let’s dive into
that. 

• When You Are Hurt,
  Acknowledge It to Yourself – Know yourself
  well enough to know when something is bothering you, and own your
  feelings. Figure out what is bothering you. 
• Communicate – Tell your spouse
  you are hurt by something she did. Don’t blame your spouse as if
  she has sinned. Communicate that you know it is your problem, that
  you just want your spouse to understand. Use “I” statements and
  talk about your own feelings, making sure that you don’t sound as
  if you are blaming your spouse
• Empathize – Be a healing
  agent for the hurt of the past. When you offer understanding
  instead of devaluing your spouse’s feelings, you are doing the
  opposite of the one who caused the original hurt and are becoming
  part of the healing instead of part of the problem. 
• Identify Patterns and
  Plan – Learn what hurts you. Then you can
  anticipate things that might hurt you in the future. And when it
  happens, you can take precautions to respond helpfully or, better
  yet, avoid the hurt altogether. If you see situations coming up,
  you can plan for them so that hurt does not happen. 
• Be in a Healing Mode – We are all
  responsible for the hurts we carry around inside. If you have
  become aware of a repetitive theme of hurt, call it a problem and
  obtain some help. Do something to pursue healing in that area so
  that it stops interfering in your life. That is part of becoming a
  complete, healed person.
• Guard Against “Going to
  Court” – Validate each other’s feelings because
  what your spouse is feeling is real and true for him or her.
  Remember, you don’t need to win or to be right. Old hurts can heal
  as you respond differently to your spouse than he has been
  responded to in his “past life.” Becoming a healing agent, with
  empathy, understanding, non-defensiveness, and care. 

When people grow in character, they grow in the ability
to set and receive boundaries in their marriages, and they mature. When
they resist hearing the word no, they remain immature.

Let’s talk more about how to maintain a healthy marriage,
and how to set boundaries with an immature spouse.

Until next time …

Cheers,

Henry