How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Start-Up
Statement of Faith
We believe that God created man and that He created them male and female. As such He created them different so as to complement and complete each other. God instituted monogamous marriage between male and female as the foundation of the family and the basic structure of human society. Therefore, we perform and mentor marriages in accordance with Biblical guidelines. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; John 4:16-18; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 5:11, 6:9-11. 6:18-20, 7:1-3 and 7:8-9; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 5:3-7; 1 Timothy 1:9-11)
The Gottman Institute – Ellie Lisitsa, 2022A six-year longitudinal study predicted the likelihood of a couple’s divorce by observing just the first three minutes of a conflict discussion.The couples who divorced started their discussions with a great deal of negative emotion and displayed far fewer expressions of positivity than those who stayed together six years later. Not only were those couples who divorced negative towards each other, but they were also critical of each other.Their research revealed that discussions will end on the same note they begin. If you start an argument harshly by attacking your partner — especially if you allow any of the Four Horsemen into the discussion — you will end up with at least as much tension as you began with, if not more. Softening the start-up of your conversations is crucial to resolving relationship conflicts, and if you use a soft start-up in your argument, your relationship is far more likely to be stable and happy.