Six ways to help a hurting marriage

Statement of Faith

We believe that God created man and that He created them male and female. As such He created them different so as to complement and complete each other. God instituted monogamous marriage between male and female as the foundation of the family and the basic structure of human society. Therefore, we perform and mentor marriages in accordance with Biblical guidelines. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; John 4:16-18; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 5:11, 6:9-11. 6:18-20, 7:1-3 and 7:8-9; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 5:3-7; 1 Timothy 1:9-11)


One of the most important things about marriage is that we learn how to
deal with hurts where no one is really “wrong.” Let’s dive into

  • When You Are Hurt,
    Acknowledge It to Yourself
    – Know yourself
    well enough to know when something is bothering you, and own your
    feelings. Figure out what is bothering you. 
  • Communicate – Tell your spouse
    you are hurt by something she did. Don’t blame your spouse as if
    she has sinned. Communicate that you know it is your problem, that
    you just want your spouse to understand. Use “I” statements and
    talk about your own feelings, making sure that you don’t sound as
    if you are blaming your spouse
  • Empathize – Be a healing
    agent for the hurt of the past. When you offer understanding
    instead of devaluing your spouse’s feelings, you are doing the
    opposite of the one who caused the original hurt and are becoming
    part of the healing instead of part of the problem. 
  • Identify Patterns and
    – Learn what hurts you. Then you can
    anticipate things that might hurt you in the future. And when it
    happens, you can take precautions to respond helpfully or, better
    yet, avoid the hurt altogether. If you see situations coming up,
    you can plan for them so that hurt does not happen. 
  • Be in a Healing Mode – We are all
    responsible for the hurts we carry around inside. If you have
    become aware of a repetitive theme of hurt, call it a problem and
    obtain some help. Do something to pursue healing in that area so
    that it stops interfering in your life. That is part of becoming a
    complete, healed person.
  • Guard Against “Going to
    – Validate each other’s feelings because
    what your spouse is feeling is real and true for him or her.
    Remember, you don’t need to win or to be right. Old hurts can heal
    as you respond differently to your spouse than he has been
    responded to in his “past life.” Becoming a healing agent, with
    empathy, understanding, non-defensiveness, and care. 

When people grow in character, they grow in the ability
to set and receive boundaries in their marriages, and they mature. When
they resist hearing the word no, they remain immature.

Let’s talk more about how to maintain a healthy marriage,
and how to set boundaries with an immature spouse.

Until next time …