Submission does not equal silence

Statement of Faith

We believe that God created man and that He created them male and female. As such He created them different so as to complement and complete each other. God instituted monogamous marriage between male and female as the foundation of the family and the basic structure of human society. Therefore, we perform and mentor marriages in accordance with Biblical guidelines. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; John 4:16-18; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 5:11, 6:9-11. 6:18-20, 7:1-3 and 7:8-9; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 5:3-7; 1 Timothy 1:9-11)

was surprised at the tears pooling in her eyes when I asked how I could pray
for her.

“Pray for me…” she paused here, “… to find my voice.”

Her husband is godly, moral, intelligent; a natural and successful leader.

But in his strength, he can have a difficult time listening well or absorbing
constructive criticism. And sometimes, this can leave a wife … silent. 

As wives, we might be overwhelmed, perhaps by a lack of sensitivity when a man
tells rather than asks. When we don’t feel we can speak effectively or
productively, sometimes we don’t. Maybe too often we choose silence,
suppressing our voice except for the most pressing matters.

Yet God’s command to submit is no excuse for passivity—a passivity which may
leave us angry (even when we deny it), cold, resigned, hurting, bitter, or
insecure. On the other hand, choosing to speak does not mean nagging, whining,
verbally shredding, or manipulating.

But assuming the context of a safe, nurturing relationship, it does mean we
have a responsibility to help our husbands move toward holiness, and vice

Confrontation means moving beyond fear, discomfort, or indifference to let our
husbands know what’s harming them—and what’s affecting people around

It’s like a good doctor with an excellent bedside manner, but who refuses to
pretend that someone’s not sick. Consider the potential effects of your courage
on your husband’s ministry, church, kids, colleagues, work, and family.

There may be times when God has placed you, like 
Esther, in your husband’s life for a critical time, to
head off damage—which he might not even be aware he’s causing. This woman
trusted God to protect her as she acknowledged His leadership structure. 

Yes, pray through it like Esther, using savvy wisdom and showing respect for
his position. But out of love for him, your marriage, and other people—say it.

Submission doesn’t mean “we don’t talk about his issues.” Submission is
gracefully supporting the responsibilities our husbands bear, empowering them
as the leaders God designed. 

It’s not about helping our husbands dominate or condoning their sin because of
their gender.

A quiet spirit doesn’t mean God prefers introverts or women who shut up. A
quiet spirit is one who listens for His whisper, humbly finding refuge in her
place before a trustworthy, protective God.

Interested in
more? Click to listen to the podcast, “What If My Husband Doesn’t Deserve
And check out
“Are You in an Abusive Relationship?

This devotional originally occurred in full form at