Ease Each Other’s Worries (And Your Own)

Statement of Faith

We believe that God created man and that He created them male and female. As such He created them different so as to complement and complete each other. God instituted monogamous marriage between male and female as the foundation of the family and the basic structure of human society. Therefore, we perform and mentor marriages in accordance with Biblical guidelines. (Genesis 2:24; Matthew 19:4-6; John 4:16-18; Romans 1:18-32; 1 Corinthians 5:11, 6:9-11. 6:18-20, 7:1-3 and 7:8-9; Galatians 5:19-21; Ephesians 5:3-7; 1 Timothy 1:9-11)

  Are you a worrier? How about your spouse?  Truth be told, even the most carefree individuals find themselves worrying about something from time to time. Whether it’s little day-to-day troubles or big overwhelming concerns, worrying can consume us, if we’re not careful. Much like stress, the way we manage our worries plays a significant part in the impact they have on our life and our relationship. In addition to learning self-coping strategies, you play an invaluable role in supporting each other when worries take hold. Let’s explore a few ways you can help ease your spouse’s worries, as well as your own. Self-reflect. If being a source of support for each other is the icing on the cake, being proactive in managing your own worries is sort of like the cake itself. It gives you the foundation and insight to better understand, anticipate, and intuit what your spouse might need. Take some time to figure out what things you tend to worry about and when, as well as what helps you cope. Maybe it’s physical activity, journaling, praying or meditating, or talking to another friend or loved one. Whatever helps you get out of your head and eases your anxieties, take note and lean on it when you need to. Focus on what’s in your control. There’s that old saying that worrying is like a rocking chair – it gives you something to do, but it never gets you anywhere. And it’s largely true. Worrying about things we have no control over wastes precious time and energy. Let those things go. Instead, focus on the things that are within your control. Worried about the weather ruining you child’s outdoor birthday party? Well, you can’t control the weather. But you can control whether (no pun intended!) you have a backup plan in case it does. This helps you turn unproductive worrying into problem-solving. Be present. When it comes to supporting your partner, sometimes they just need someone to be there with them in their worries. Maybe they need to process verbally, and they just need someone to listen. Perhaps they just need a hug or cuddle if that’s their thing, or you can offer other comforts they enjoy such as making them a cup of tea or their favorite snack. Being fully present and in the moment as they work through their worries reassures them you’re in their corner and they’re not alone. Offer validation. When you’re really worried about something, one of the least helpful (and maybe most frustrating) things you can hear is that you shouldn’t be worried. The thing is, even when we logically know there’s nothing to be worried about, sometimes our minds and emotions play tricks on us – and we worry anyway. So when your spouse is worried, validate those feelings. Whether you can relate or not, the feelings of worry are real to them. If it feels appropriate and you can offer genuine reassurances to calm their fears, then give it a go. Just try not to dismiss the fact that they’re feeling fretful. Ask what you can do. Asking your worrying spouse, “What do you need from me right now?” or “How can I help?” seems pretty straightforward, but it’s also very effective. Instead of guessing at what they need, give them the opportunity to tell you. Maybe they’ll tell you they just need you to listen, or perhaps they’ll even say, “Just tell me everything’s going to be okay.” They might give you an actual task that would help ease their mind. Whatever the case, asking point blank is a proactive approach to supporting each other when you’re feeling unsettled. Worrying is a normal part of life, but managing it in a healthy and productive way can take intention. As individuals, you can take responsibility for your own mental wellbeing. As partners, you’re in a unique position to provide a shoulder for each other to lean on. If worrying becomes debilitating or begins to prevent you or our spouse from functioning normally in your daily life, consider seeking help from a professional.